Lost for words, so lost in love....
Its a little weird that I put my prayer up for everyone to read but I have been trying to think of someway to convey what I have been going through in my walk with God the past months and this prayer semi describes it. Also, its Easter and I need some outlet to express the love I have for Jesus today, so this is it, enjoy, be moved by the goodness of God. Love Melinda
I am filled with new feeling for you again. I have seen you and felt your presence, your glory. Such clique Christians words, words that can’t be known without feeling them first hand. What you give is not describable. I know that when you are near you fill body mind and spirit. I feel charged. I feel younger, full of life’s emotions. The words I have heard over the years come back into my head and although they seem to loose their power the further I am from you, when I am near, no matter how many times I repeat “you are holy” I am moved to understand and love that part of you more. Suddenly every word or phrase that can somewhat come close to describing you is enough for me to say. Why does my heart burst, why does it feel so new? You are amazing ( here I go again) how else can I put a human experience into more than human feelings and language? I want to weep at the relief of being in you but I can’t quite get there because I feel so overcome with joy and thankfulness, no one emotion alone can take over me.
I have walked an emotionless walk with you for what seems like years and I know that the life you have for me is meant to be filled with the passion of your heart. I have been afraid of it and I am afraid of my response to what you want me to let go of. I was afraid of being all hype, all talk. But I have realized that over the years I have relied on my brain too much to make sense of what it means to worship you. I wanted everything accounted for, counted, nothing invisible. I wanted to show you that my worship went beyond worship in my bedroom, in the church. I have served, worked, ached with mercy and compassion and I have no power and am exhausted. I gained the wisdom of the world, made reason clarify my faith and actually let true faith wither from my life. I have lost the power that I had in resting in you, in being helpless, broken before you. My humanitarian approach to Christianity is empty of life. And it benefits no one. I have been concerned with doing right. I am tired and I want to be freed by you and just forget about my crazy practicalities that make my life complicated and ineffective. So hear I am Lord. I need you! 'I just want to know Christ and know you crucified', because in your crucifixion is your love. In your love I have found life, peace, motivation, hope, truth. I need your fellowship. I need to be aware of the battle that goes on because of the deep love that connects you to me. Take away my fear Lord Jesus. I receive your love now, and again and again. My adoration is for you, you alone. Don’t let my heart grow cold.
I am filled with new feeling for you again. I have seen you and felt your presence, your glory. Such clique Christians words, words that can’t be known without feeling them first hand. What you give is not describable. I know that when you are near you fill body mind and spirit. I feel charged. I feel younger, full of life’s emotions. The words I have heard over the years come back into my head and although they seem to loose their power the further I am from you, when I am near, no matter how many times I repeat “you are holy” I am moved to understand and love that part of you more. Suddenly every word or phrase that can somewhat come close to describing you is enough for me to say. Why does my heart burst, why does it feel so new? You are amazing ( here I go again) how else can I put a human experience into more than human feelings and language? I want to weep at the relief of being in you but I can’t quite get there because I feel so overcome with joy and thankfulness, no one emotion alone can take over me.
I have walked an emotionless walk with you for what seems like years and I know that the life you have for me is meant to be filled with the passion of your heart. I have been afraid of it and I am afraid of my response to what you want me to let go of. I was afraid of being all hype, all talk. But I have realized that over the years I have relied on my brain too much to make sense of what it means to worship you. I wanted everything accounted for, counted, nothing invisible. I wanted to show you that my worship went beyond worship in my bedroom, in the church. I have served, worked, ached with mercy and compassion and I have no power and am exhausted. I gained the wisdom of the world, made reason clarify my faith and actually let true faith wither from my life. I have lost the power that I had in resting in you, in being helpless, broken before you. My humanitarian approach to Christianity is empty of life. And it benefits no one. I have been concerned with doing right. I am tired and I want to be freed by you and just forget about my crazy practicalities that make my life complicated and ineffective. So hear I am Lord. I need you! 'I just want to know Christ and know you crucified', because in your crucifixion is your love. In your love I have found life, peace, motivation, hope, truth. I need your fellowship. I need to be aware of the battle that goes on because of the deep love that connects you to me. Take away my fear Lord Jesus. I receive your love now, and again and again. My adoration is for you, you alone. Don’t let my heart grow cold.
posted by Melinda at 12:35 AM
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